Last Saturday at Church, my kids were eating biscuits while waiting for the mass to start when suddenly, the girl beside us, probably around the age of five, exclaimed “eewww so dirty!!!” pointing to the bits that have fallen on the kneeler. She didn’t stop there, she said “eewww so dirty!” one more time while looking at her mother and pointing the biscuit bits. I do not know how to react – I was half embarrassed half panicky full confused… What exactly is happening? I was asking my husband where the wet wipes are so I could just clean the thing and get this over with… he didn’t want to give it to me. My confusion turned into anger, though I’d like to think I am more confused than angry because 1) this is a kid I am dealing with 2) I am at the Church. I hate to admit, my whole night got ruined.
They say the difference between a good day and a bad day is how you react to it but in all honesty, I am not a person who is good at choosing appropriate reactions. This is something that, after reading a few pages of “The Art of War”, would make me lose my battles.
If you know your enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles
I do not know myself. After 30 years on earth I still do not understand myself sometimes. That’s why at night, when I am alone (alone as in Kid2 is sleeping, I am awake, husband and Kid1 are in the living room) I ask myself where should I start knowing myself? How do I start? Suddenly, it dawned on me that I do not set aside some time to pray. It’s not like I plan to be holy or saintly all of sudden but I just feel that the only solution now is for me to pray. To raise everything to God because I know he can and he will help me if I ask Him to. Apart from being confused with my own character, I’ve also become aware of the fact that 2014 has not been a good year for me (even the feng shui lady confirmed this :P) I was always sick, I spent too much I didn’t get to save and I didn’t achieve something huge (unlike in 2012 where I worked my ass off and got promoted; or in 2013 when I finished reading the bible) 2014, albeit memorable, was something that even if I had the chance to time travel, I would not want to go back to. So during the start of 2015, I wanted to change all the bad and just hope for the good. I told myself to make it a habit to pray, to always set aside time to pray. If I had the time to watch korean dramas last year, why not use that time to pray instead. I do not want praying to be categorized as my new year’s resolution, because resolutions are meant to be broken 😀 I want it to be my fortress – for me to hold on to – a way of understanding God’s promises because when I pray, I feel like I have a more solid state of mind
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
And to not just pray, but believing that my prayers will be answered. Just like how I prayed to get a scholarship, prayed to not fail any of my 3 remaining subjects in my last semester so I could finally finish college, prayed to secure a job in Singapore, prayed for that one great love to finally come. All of these are my answered prayers and I want to bring back the same intensity of faith and hope that led me to seeing God’s work in me – I want to pray until something happens. One small step, one at a time, like saying the rosary, there, I am starting there.
A few moments have passed when the same “eeeww so dirty” girl – while pointing to my husband’s face – suddenly said “eeeww uncle so dirty” I would normally laugh
(hysterically) at references like this. I was already pissed that time so I just decided to leave the Church (after awhile though so as to make it less obvious) weirdly thanking Andy’s exuberance that I had the perfect excuse to just leave and not to further harbor ill feelings towards our seat mate.
How would you react to “eeewww so dirty” girl?